O.k., so I need to get out — more specifically I need to enjoy getting out. Right now I get out because I have to–but I dread doing it. I have always been a homebody, I am perfectly happy indoors with a good book, movie, craft, or nap. I’m lazy too, I admit that. Tammy, on the other hand, is a worker bee — up at 4 a.m., working out or building something. Between the two of us we’re almost a normal person.
I’ve gotten myself into a rut. It’s just so much easier to stay at home with Hope, in my room where I have everything I need and no one watching me to see how I’m doing. I’m hiding. The last few months have really challenged my perception of myself. Suddenly I’m not so confident as a mother, and definitely not sure I’m up to these new challenges.
Today Hope and I went to her first occupational therapy appointment. The therapist said some things that kind of struck a chord with me. She talked about not being afraid to do the things with Hope that you would do with any 4-month old. Infants aren’t really aware of their bodies, but they have adaptive reflexes, the more positions you expose them to, the more connections they make, the stronger they get. She swung and bounced her around like I remember doing with Grace, “you just have to give her a little extra support, since she can’t support herself yet.” Hope seemed to enjoy the activity even if she was a little unsure at first, she gave the therapist a few big smiles toward the end of our meeting.
I’m not really sure who I am anymore, but I guess I won’t find out if I don’t get out there — I just need a little extra support.