I braved the aisles of Target on Black Friday. I was probably not the customer Target was hoping for, I waited until mid-afternoon and bought cleaning supplies. In a remarkable stroke of foresight I bought all scented products, I never buy scented. Maybe it’s surreal stench emanating from Hope’s diapers, maybe it’s just the smell of leftover spaghetti and meatballs…again filling the house at dinner time. In any event, I needed an olfactory boost so I bought lavender-Febreeze-scented Tide, lavender-vanilla-scented Mr. Clean (apparently Mr. Clean is now gay), lavender-something-scented Lysol, even lavender-scented Clorox2.
Good thing I chose scented.
Grace barfed at 8pm. In the beanbag chair. Thank God it’s faux-leather. Tammy’s was like, “get her a cloth!” and I was all “forget that, I paid $80 for this…you can bring her out front and I’ll hose her off after the chair.”
Priorities, people–I play video games from that chair.
And I don’t know what is going on in Hope’s diapers these days. I remember people saying that breastmilk poop had a “sweet smell,” and thinking, “yeah right, let’s make it a candle.” We have, of course, experienced the poopy-sniffy-shift that accompanies the transition to solid food, it’s not pleasant–but at least its familiar. This is our first foray into the realm of formula poop. The transactions occurring in Hope’s drawers are an entirely new, out-of-this-world experience into stinkdom. The scary thing is how tiny they are, ordinarily something has to be really, really, dead to smell that much per square inch.
But at least everything has a nice layer of lavender over it.
Click play to hear Hope’s new lullaby: