Finding Focus

I have suddenly found myself with a very, very full plate.  I’m not really sure how this happened.  I’m guessing my big, fat, mouth had something to do with it.  My compulsive thinking disorder hasn’t helped, nor has high-speed internet.  

Now, it could be that the main problem is really just that I am incredibly lazy and altogether unmotivated to do anything right now.  I’m sure there are people who do ten times my list, plus have full-time jobs.  

Those are fine  people.  

I am not one of them.

(ok, now I am totally distracted by that damn Noah Wylie/Polar Bear-drowning in the melting ice caps-commerical….I’m totally bummed out, now I don’t want to do anything on the list…I just want to curl up with a stuffed polar bear and cry.)

Well damnit, I don’t even want to type anymore.  The poor polar bears are just dying out there in the middle of the ocean…

OK, in the interest of going to bed sooner than later, I’ll press on…

My list…

(and this is about as far as I got two days ago…ok, I got a bit further and then I got bored and saved this post to “draft” and have avoided it like the plague ever since.  The title, which I gave this post before I started typing, has turned out to be quite appropriate.)

I deleted the list.

I was in a bad mood when I wrote the list.

The point is, there is a list and I’m not a fan of about 90% of the things on the list.

I think I went through a phase here where I felt like I had to prove that I could do everything I did before Hope was born– and then some–to prove that I am in control of…I don’t know…something–everything–one thing.  Who knows?  The fact is things have changed, I have changed, and I just don’t want to do everything on the list anymore — even some things that have only very recently been added to the list.  

I hate to disappoint people, I hate to appear indecisive — that really peeves me.  I make up my mind, I stick to it–end of story (I should have been a much bigger fan of George W. Bush on that account).  Well, “sticking to it” doesn’t always end up so well….

So I’m molting… which is a fancy way of saying I’m quitting.  I’m shedding some stuff that’s just not me anymore, and some things that never really were.  I’m not really sure what I’ll do instead…maybe I’ll read a book from start to finish, maybe I’ll take a class, maybe I’ll finally watch the huge backlog of NOVA’s and Frontline’s clogging my DVR.  I hope that whatever I do, I’ll be more patient and generous with my time and affection with the people who matter most to me.

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4 Responses to Finding Focus

  1. Vickie says:

    Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. -Albert Einstein

  2. Bet Hannon says:


    Are you reading and posting to blogs between services on Sunday mornings?!?

  3. Christa says:

    I second Vickie. Let’s start a group that gets together and has coffee and talks about everything we’ve committed to that we no longer want to do. Then we can say we “might meet every other Tuesday if we feel up to it.”

  4. Jen says:

    I think she gets a pass on this one, I believe it falls under pastoral care as I was not at service. At least she’s not changing her Facebook status….yet 😉

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