Long runs are hard. You just kind of have to keep plodding along, trusting that if you just keep moving forward, you’ll end up at that place where it will all be worth it.
In a few days I’ll be having a minor surgical procedure (don’t click that link unless you want TMI) that will put the nail in the coffin of the “reproductive phase” of my life. Even though we decided last year that we were done at two, there is part of me that has kind of held out some little shred of hope that we might win the lottery and that third child I had always envisioned would suddenly be possible.
I went to the doctor a couple of months ago, worn-out and run-down, thinking that maybe there was something wrong with my thyroid. As it turns out, I am just anemic — too anemic. A few questions, a quick exam, and an ultrasound later and here we are. I certainly can’t keep up with the girls in this condition, and every month it gets a little worse – eventually I could be in really bad shape. The procedure is simple and should remedy the root cause permanently. I know it’s the right thing to do, and I’m looking forward to feeling better. But I am sad and am failing miserably in trying not to think about it. In the long run, I know I’ll realize that this was the right choice.
Tonight I made another junk-food run to the grocery store. It’s been awhile since I did one of these — mostly, I admit, because I am the one that ends up eating most of the crap I bring home. I made the trip because Hope has her quarterly weigh-in appointment on Tuesday with the Prader-Willi nutritionist.
I dread these appointments.
I know Hope is going to be underweight, too underweight. She looks petite and perfect, she’s not bony or malnourished-looking, don’t get me wrong — and she is very active. But still, I know we’re going to get “that look”. They’ll offer tips and I’ll reject them all, adding butter, instant breakfast, whole milk — none of these things work anymore. Sure, they add calories, but the also cause diarrhea and an untreatable diaper rash, as does ice cream, yogurt, cheese — anything dairy — even though Hope has tested negative for lactose intolerance and milk allergies. They’ll suggest hot dogs, bologna, ground beef – but Hope only likes pan-fried or grilled tilapia. Pastas with cream sauces are out, and anyways – she’s burned out on pasta completely. So we’ll spend the next few days pumping her full of coconut milk, oreos, and (hopefully) fideo, ravioli, fruit juice, and fig newtons. In the long run I know we’ll look back wistfully at this phase as we put the lock on the refrigerator. In the long run, this will be the easy part. I guess some long runs just kind of suck the whole way through.
Today I made my first long run in about a month. (I am talking about actual running now). I ran (and walked) ten miles this morning, the furthest I’ve gone so far. I walked a lot more that I wanted to, but I am a little comforted by the fact that I think my walking breaks had more to do with the heat than my condition (though, obviously my condition is not heat-ready yet). My legs felt great, I didn’t start my run until 10:00 am and by that time it was already over 80 degrees outside — it certainly didn’t take my legs three miles to warm up today! But unfortunately, I waited to run until 10:00 am and by that time it was already over 80 degrees outside — and that is freakin’ hot when there is no shade anywhere along your route. I carried water and was able to refill pretty much when I needed to, but to keep my heart rate in a zone where I could comfortably keep moving forward I had to go a lot slower and take more frequent walking breaks than my legs really required (I think). Also, I was pretty much the only runner out there after the first 30 minutes, because everyone else wasn’t stupid, so I got kind of lonely. Still, I kept myself on the route I had planned, though I had plenty of opportunities to cut it short and eventually made it home, sunburnt but not delirious from dehydration. But hey, I ran* 10 miles today!!! Woo-hoo for me!!! And, in the long run, this will end up being one of my shorter long-runs ;D
P.S. Today’s run was done in the Asics Gel-Nimbus 12. I returned the Saucony’s after just a couple runs. The footbed in the Saucony is a little shallower than my foot — odd, I’ve never been too tall for anything before. But between the shallow footbed and extra arch support that the stability shoe provides, the bridge of my foot was taking a beating against the laces and tongue. So I’m back in the Asics and so far there is no sign of the shin splints, I guess it was just a combination of too many consecutive days of running and worn-out running shoes. The new Nimbus (at least the one my running store stocks) isn’t as pretty as the the 11 – but they look fast and still feel like you’re running on marshmallows.